A Sky Full of Stars

Rays of light
Unlike the darkest night
Seep through dusty panes
A radiance they can't contain
The day sky is full of stars
Masking the surface of my scars
Weary are my eyes
The brightness then complies
I could stare forever
Eyes fixed on you by a tether
Out of rhythm, rising and setting
It's the pattern of the sun we're forgetting
Gleaming on rugged water
There is no more to conquer
Hearts beam together as one
Stronger than the rays of the sun
Shining and illuminating the fight
The fire is still a-light
I can't say goodbye to the sky
Luckily the moon forever remains high
The stars will soon attune to her
Though no star will be immune to her
Oh, how I wish I had met you sooner


As dear as old friends / This short time will end / I hope this is not pretend
With sun soaked skin / We are pulling the pin / On the days when we were kin
The feeling won't leave my head / So infectious it will spread / Awakening dreams thought to be dead
A wish for more hours / Fermenting fruit is turning sour / I'm in the corner to cower
Did we have enough time? / Will we be forever fine? / This boils my wounds in brine
So many so fast / Another curtain call for the cast / I thought the finale had passed
Now does it even matter? / Come together and then scatter / Present my head on a platter
Grasping with sweaty palms / The sea is no longer calm / Time is a ticking bomb
How many more will handle my soul?
Ripping open the hole
Fuck. I'm losing control.

Just Ice

I couldn't do a thing
She was caught on a string
A room of blank stares
Not one common thought to be shared
With no attempt to try
From his side, we did not pry
Her feet buried  in the ground
She never made a sound
Saved by taking the hit
While we are falling into the pit
He roamed free
Step by step with glee
Now look at him and note
Don't you dare look and gloat
These bonds will rip your throat.

Justice will be served, you scum of the Earth.
I took a step
As the Earth took a breath.
Showers of grace
Fires of hope
Scalding my veins
Melting my skin.
Your words are its lungs
Inhaling fear
Exhaling blankets of smoke.
Cover my Earth
Unveil only lies
Forever will they deceive.
Blood flows through rivers
Seeping into the ground.
Soaked is your voice
Blackened is your crown.
The air is heavy
The sand is sinking
The rock is sharpened.
This pain, it kills.

Set Free

As the trade winds blow
The waves disappear into the sand
Burned are the plans
That loomed over like crows

Believed to be at ease
Minds are turned and ensnared
Do not face the sea scared
It is only a breeze

The tide keeps rising
Pressure will destroy the floodgates
They cannot win this debate
Fear is revealed with writhing

We are the renegades
Sand carried through water
Remnants of the slaughter
Down in the tall grass we lay

Sail across the ocean
A slave liberated by the sea
To walk along, the only plea
Look.  The chain is broken

I'm a part of that

She didn't want to close her eyes.
It would mark the end,
The disruption of a running trend.
Erased are the years she despised,
No need to remember the better days
She can see the darkness fade.
The heavy weight of compromise
Bore down on feeble shoulders
But you cannot control her.
Free, the caged bird flies
The envy of the clouds
Why could you not look on her, proud.
At the end she did close her eyes
But to the tears they did attend,
Picking up the pieces to mend.
Now it is only you she will despise.
There was no yearning for praise
But that which blocks the sun's rays.
She lost the prize due to compromise.
Will stepping out make her bolder?
Your breath of fire to scold her.
The night is a-lit with fireflies
Filled with the murmur of the crowd
She need do nothing to make them proud.


Farewell Haku (in Haiku)

I'm ready to leave
But I'm not ready to go
Into the unknown

The minutes are gone
It wasn't to be easy
No one said it would

Owls in the night
Flying by with so much grace
How did I not see?

Sitting there content
I'm looking back and watching
Them smiling with joy

I don't want to leave
What would happen if I tried?
It took me too long

The effort is mine
The glory belongs elsewhere
I owe it to Him

There's no peace of mind
Gratitude's overflowing
My heart ain't empty


My city freezes my bones

Wind whips through my city
My city freezes my bones
My bones no longer hold me
Hold me through these streets
These streets will lead me home
Lead me home where I belong
I belong to the world
The world is nothing great
Nothing great comes of my mind
My mind is not my own
My own will turn against me
Against me lies a spear
A spear could tear your flesh
Your flesh won't stop forsaking me
Forsaking me at the stone
The stone could be to throw
To throw it, it won't be over
Be over by the tree
The tree blossoms though it's cold
It's cold to think the petals fall
Petals fall as I walk
I walk through my city
My city freezes my bones.


Take me Home

"It is as hard to explain how this sunlit land was different from the old Narnia as it would be to tell you how the fruits of that country taste. Perhaps you will get some idea of it if you think like this. You may have been in a room in which there was a window that looked out on a lovely bay of the sea or a green valley that wound away among mountains. And in the wall of that room opposite to the window there may have been a looking glass. And as you turned away from the window you suddenly caught sight of that sea or that valley, all over again, in the looking glass. And the sea in the mirror, or the valley in the mirror, were in one sense just the same as the real ones: yet at the same time they were somehow different - deeper, more wonderful, more like places in a story: in a story you have never heard but very much want to know. The difference between the old Narnia and the new Narnia was like that. The new one was a deeper country: every rock and flower and blade of grass looked as if it meant more. I can't describe it any better than that: if ever you get there you will know what I mean." - The Last Battle by C.S. Lewis


I thought your four years went fast, but mine felt faster.  It took a lot to get here, but I'm finally comfortable.  I have never been comfortable.  I love being comfortable.  But that means it's time to go.  Drop your nets.  Get out of the boat.  It's not supposed to be comfortable.  It's not supposed to be easy.  Home is nowhere set in stone - it's been in the days gone by, it's going to be in the days to come.  If home is nowhere, I have to be somewhere, then I can go anywhere. 
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us."

I must admit I'm scared to leave.  What will be different?  What will I miss? Will we remember to remember what we had?  I'm scared life will go on without me.  Life will go on without me.  I don't want this to be a painting where nothing changes when I'm erased.  That has been my biggest fear.  I'm scared to let go, to see what's in store because it's so good now.  What if they forget?  What if this comfort isn't real?  What if I have to start again from the bottom?  I started from the bottom and I've hit it again multiple times.  I don't want to go back there.  I can't.

"Nothing that happens is ever forgotten, even if you don't remember it." (Spirited Away)

Here's to the past, here's to change, here's to taking the step.


Die Today

I envy the dead for they have figured out what this life is all about.

Every day we struggle to find why we're walking into this battle blind.

By the end of the day we've avoided the blow, but maybe that's why we're taking so slow.

He was sent to die from the start.  Why is to die to self the hardest part?