Here's to Then

-Not Once-

I did not once cry
'I am weary
Oh Lord'
But many times.

I did not once run
Away from fear
Of God
But I never stopped.

I did not once wave
My sorrows
On by
But kept them:
                        Safe and sound for -
                                                         My heart to dwell
                                                         My heart to pound
                                                         My love to swell.

It's been years since I've picked up a pen. How thoughts change.  How events pass.  How much destruction you can bring to yourself.  I can't hate them anymore.  I can't confide in her.  I can't stop praying (though I do).  I can't be left alone.  I can't be alone.  Fears have crept in, bad decisions have left their scars.  Yet time keeps moving.

These years have been the best but have seen me at my worst, my lowest of lows, watching my sink to the bottom.  Though proud are the days where the sun sets on a smile: the walk down the aisle, the pool in the desert, the melted snow, the backseat of a car, the highest heights - the days when peace overcame my feeble mind.

How I've loved these years, these days, these hours.  All to learn, all to cherish.