I'm so glad I'm not a fish

2012-02-07T17:43:00.001-08:00

After countless apples, water bottles, and a bag of Minties, it was all finally over.

I packed up my books and notes, and then prepared for the new semester. I glanced at my reflection in the window on my way out the room and I realized that I’ve been in the same outfit all week.

Maybe I will miss this more than I imagined.

Philippians 4:13

2012-02-06T22:37:00.001-08:00

I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.

2012-02-04T20:52:00.001-08:00

My body can handle the pain, but my mind can't handle the bench.

Ephesians 4:31-32

2012-01-14T12:39:00.001-08:00

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Composure + Consistency

2012-01-14T10:47:00.001-08:00

-“Sometimes, you just have to give 125%.”

-- “You’ve just gotta be selfish sometimes.”

-- “If she misses, we run.”

-x- “Push it girls. Keep it up.”

--- “Stop. Do it again.”

------- “Just stay composed, don’t panic. You’re great.”

-- “Don’t kill yourself out there.”

--- “I know your strengths and weaknesses. I’ll tell them the truth.”

-x- “Come on, you got this!”

--------- “You’re the one they want to beat.”

- “All I need to do is puke, then I will have left everything I have on the court.”

--- “You have a beautiful shot, but when you get amped, its accuracy falters significantly.”

-x- “Way to hustle.”

----- “Don’t get down on yourself.”

-- “You need to learn how to call for subs. You’ve played almost nonstop, you’re allowed to.”

--- “You HAVE to make good decisions.”

-x- “Allez, allez.”

- “I don’t have skills to give, so I’ll give everything else I have: heart and hustle.”

--- “Push yourself to the max, then push harder.”

-- “Then DUNK IT.”

-- “We may not be the tallest, but we’ll be the fastest and the fittest.”

-x- “This one’s in.”

These may be simple, almost meaningless words filled with grammatical errors, but these are the words that make me want to keep going.

This is almost over

2012-01-14T10:46:00.000-08:00

It’s the boring, awkward times that reveal the wonders of bubbly day dreams and inadequate excuses. Where denying self existence is the key, one action can ruin a once pacifistic scene.

All acting in nonchalant manners, at least it can be realized that performing isn’t a skill that’s lacking here.

Outside, the stars are sparkling in the perfect, sombre midnight sky. Inside, the lambent glimmer in her eye is draining into the flustered air surrounding her.

Oh, how she wishes to flee.

2012-01-07T14:29:00.000-08:00

She is struggling with Math. He has a headache. He rejoices about going back. She cries easily. He is getting married soon. She’s a volunteer. She is almost done University. He hasn’t even thought of applying. She is easily amused. She is encouraging. She has a minor speech impediment. She needs a tutor. She swore. He wants us to be better. She gives advice. He can’t get over her. She was left in an awkward situation. She wants to travel the world. She rolled an ankle. She jumped into a wall. He insulted. She is ready to risk everything. He knows what he wants to do. She has no idea. He is really quiet. She is beautiful. She is the life of the party. She can’t raise one eyebrow. He loves art. She loves tea. He can’t speak Spanish. She has difficulties with French. She can’t wait to graduate. He begs for forgiveness. He still hasn’t forgiven.

People. How they change. How they love. How they hurt. How they destroy. How they live. How they inspire.

Here’s my thanks.

Happy New Year.

I've made it this far

2011-11-15T19:03:00.001-08:00

I may never understand how to use trigonometry outside of the classroom. I may never be able to find a good enough idea for a novel. I may never become great at the techniques of visual art. I may never figure out the importance of conics. I may never be considered musically gifted. I may never save a life. I may never learn to completely appreciate the French language. I may never fulfill my athletic goals and dreams. I may never enjoy a Social Studies class. I may never be known. I may never leave the North. I may never care for the properties of light. I may never see the wonders of the World. I may never be able to hit a birdie. I may never find the answer.

However,

I will be good at what’s important. I will do my best in what’s difficult. I will try to learn what I don’t understand. I will care for the people around me. I will love what is hard to love. I will push to be better in the areas that I struggle with. I will excel in the things I love. I will be Abigail always.

And you can’t take that away from me.

Matching bracelets

2011-11-15T19:00:00.003-08:00

"We're a team, and that makes us a family." --Cole

Invictus.

2011-11-15T19:00:00.001-08:00

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeoning of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the year

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll.

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

- William Ernest Henley

Hallelujah

2011-10-27T18:00:00.000-07:00

Everytime I end up walking in the below freezing weather of the North, I always ask myself why I like living here. Then I step onto a basketball court, pick up a volleyball, or even just look around at the vast beauty, and I understand why.

Thank you, for everything.

Another time.

2011-10-24T18:09:00.001-07:00

One day I’ll go out and build snow forts with Kadee. One day I’ll bake bread with Laura. One day I’ll write a novel. One day I’ll drive down to Grand Prairie to see Katrina and Kara. One day I’ll draw a portrait for Lydia. One day I’ll build a submarine and go have tea in Denmark with Eilee. One day I’ll finally check dreams off my list. One day.

‘Sometimes it’s better not to understand.’

Or is it better to try and not listen.

I have no idea.

It's a good thing, actually.

2011-10-24T18:07:00.000-07:00

‘CRAZY PEOPLE. SWEATING IS NATURAL.’

Baggy shorts. Sweaty handshakes. The love of Coldplay. Accidental matching hoodies. Lost triceps. Kraft Dinner. Sweet abs. Potential roomies. Spooning. Peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Nebula bruises. 13. The Haka. Failed scrambled eggs. Life experience points. 1-1 = 00. This is the life. Why didn’t I meet you earlier? For two people so different, we are so alike. The ancient Greeks were wrong.

‘We are both procrastinators and hermits: a rare, unfortunate breed. We’ve got each other.’

Silence. Hope. Silence.

99 cent lemon grass tea

2011-10-24T18:04:00.001-07:00

Reality is so difficult to accept, but I had to. My personality was slowly washing away with every shower. I needed to re-sculpt my inerasable smile. Even the people who never frown eventually break down. Go figure. It’s the people who never frown who are too scared to tell anyone. Cowards. Trying to hide it all. And people buy it. Hallelujah. I don’t think it’s always a good thing. Holding it all in isn’t healthy. People always say its more dangerous if the villain is someone on the inside. I guess they’re right.

Hmmm.

2011-09-22T18:05:00.000-07:00

HE: What if it doesn't work out? What will you do then?
she: Well then, You better have a plan even BETTER for her.
and He agreed.
HE: Maybe I'll use this whole thing to build faith and bring glory to me.

to be perfectly honest,
she: When you thought there was no hope of it working, you suddenly got one step closer. That could happen again.
DON'T.STOP.PRAYING

Psalm 37:4, Mark 11:24

(special thanks to Laura Giovanetto)

We are the Free Birds

2011-09-22T17:59:00.000-07:00

I can't deny how not alone we are in the world. Everyone fighting different causes, opposing each other. The world against itself. It's all a war. We may be caught up in it all, but we.are.free. Be excellent at what's good. Be innocent of evil. Be together always. High above them all, soaring. Still wounded from afar, now hit by a bullet at close range. And they call themselves our friends. Place me like a shield before you. Let me take the hits for a while. My love. Your love. Our love is strong enough to keep us flying free. Don't worry about me. I've been tough this long, I can hold out a bit longer. Together. We are free. Birds of a feather, we can't go at it alone.

Here. Now. Friend.

2011-08-13T18:14:00.000-07:00

Even though we're apart
Even though we just met

I still want to hurt for you
I still want you to hurt for me

I still want you to listen
I still want to listen

I want to know you'll always be there
I want you to know I always will be

I want my words to help you
As your words help me

Can we still have heart to hearts
and be one
but be two?

Please.
Yes.
We will.
"For where there is friend, there is true." (+ title: Keith Forrest)

Dear God

2011-07-17T21:12:00.001-07:00

Please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can, and
the wisdom to know the difference.

numba terteen!

2011-06-08T20:21:00.000-07:00

The bun was absolute laziness and the bow was an accident, but the bagginess of my shorts was a lovely coincidence. I am glad you enjoy the originality of my boredom. You'll always be the Kraft Dinner to my hot sauce.

2011-06-01T19:57:00.001-07:00

Hear the sound, not the noise.

Cue success.

2011-05-09T15:33:00.000-07:00

Shoot and shoot again.

He says nothing fancy.

2011-05-08T15:17:00.000-07:00

A person who likes a flower, reflects their beauty.

A person likes a flower that reflects their beauty.

2011-04-27T18:31:00.001-07:00

"and ballin' I'll always be."
--KD

2011-04-24T18:20:00.000-07:00

It's all a TGT. Please, let us not forget that.

God bless.

"Défi à la force."

2011-04-20T18:42:00.000-07:00

Toi qui plies toi qui pleures
Toi qui meurs un jour comme ça sans savoir pourquoi
Toi qui luttes qui veiles pour le repos de l'Autre
Toi qui ne regardes plus avec le rire dans les yeux
Toi mon frère au visage de peur et d'angoisse
Relève-toi et crie: NON!

(David Diop, Coups de pilon, Présence africaine, 1973)

2011-04-18T17:06:00.000-07:00

"This is a triumph. I'm making a note here : huge success."

The importance of not knowing your favourite number.

2011-04-08T20:28:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I cheat in solitaire and flip four cards. Sometimes, I write in CAPS to make everything less boring. Sometimes, I fall asleep with my basketball. Sometimes, I wear spandex under my jeans. Sometimes, I'd rather eat fruit more than candy. Sometimes, I stutter. Sometimes, I walk into walls and trip over nothing. Sometimes, I make stories about the strangers around me, giving them reasons for being the way they are. Sometimes, I feel like I'm in a fairy tale and all the good things that are happening are just a wonderful dream. Sometimes, I leave my mouthwash in my mouth longer than needed. Sometimes, I forget to be grateful for what I have. Sometimes, I eat too much. Sometimes, I draw out plays in the margins of my school work so I don't forget them. Sometimes, I forget my water bottle. Sometimes, I'd rather be alone. Sometimes, I take quick, cold showers. Sometimes, I draw robots. Sometimes, I get annoyed easily. Sometimes, basketball is the only thing that makes sense anymore. And, sometimes, I talk too much. But, life is SWELL.

I'm making a note here:

2011-04-06T18:23:00.000-07:00

I don't know what's going to happen. I heard it will most likely end in tears. I don't know what to think. Do we just dust the world, but keep it's luck and hope for the best? Do we stand our ground, and wait 'til the last possible moment to attack? Do we stand a chance? Is a fight what we want? Or is it peace and prosperity we need? Decisions. I hate making them. (Hate is a strong word.) *I severely dislike making them. I can't figure out the right choice. If I say one thing, it hurts someone, but if I say another, it hurts someone else. I want what's right. "What the catepillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly." (Illusion, The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah - by Richard Back) Let's hope so.

2011-02-10T22:35:00.000-08:00

"BALLIN' FO LIFE" she stated, then happiness hit her like a train on a track.

But she is working herself to death to keep herself alive, leaving her no time for the things she loves most.

"TGT" she thought. "All for He who answers the prayers I haven't even prayed yet. (Lydia Mouse) "

2010-12-09T15:09:00.000-08:00

"Oh christmas lights, keep shining on."

there will be gold

2010-12-06T20:33:00.000-08:00

Not cocky and stuck up like I thought they would be. They would always help and give you tips on how to improve your form. The best thing is that it wasn't awkward being around them. They would joke around with everyone, not just the other seniors. I thought I had met the most amazing people ever.

Now I made it, I realise that I did.

Everyone who worked themselves above and beyond their physical limits resulted in happy endings; in some cases, wonderfully happy endings. But this is not the end for most; it's just one step closer.

Next time, there will be GOLD

2010-10-03T19:32:00.001-07:00

You are stronger

You are stronger

sin is broken, You have saved me

it is written

Christ is risen

Jesus You,
are Lord of all

mjd

2010-09-30T18:09:00.000-07:00

you'll see me flying with Eagles
........... I did what you thought was IMPOSSIBLE.

2010-09-14T17:31:00.000-07:00

winds
broken
lullabies
croon
sing
names
of all the disappeared
some of us
are lost
don't know
where to go
what to say
we hide
in fields
become
mere memories
this is a world
where those who disappear
are yesterday's news
unless the world remembers
that they must not
forget...

"... everyone's together the music grows and grows... then there is just beauty... everybody's stories, thoughts and dreams come out, the sweetest sound you've ever heard... And that's what's in my dreams, that's why I try and draw it... But then because I know the future's not a place that's full of beauty, I take my waxy crayons and scribble the picture out with grey..."

- "Lifehouse" by Pete Townshend

2010-09-14T17:27:00.000-07:00

(this is life..... this is life)

A Mere Piece of Metal?

2010-09-14T17:15:00.000-07:00

With one look, it looks nothing special. Just silver metal, barely reflecting light from above. No importance can be recognised. For it's so common, it does not spark interest.
That may be your verdict
But,
You wouldn't know. You wouldn't understand the magic in this mere piece of material.
Don't even try too.
Through my eyes, it's sparkling in candlelight. I see secret friends bursting with laughter. Rivers of tears from the sad departing. confusion, pain, happiness, joy, friendship, anger and far aways. It isn't just something you hang on a tree once a year.

Eyes can't see
What's hidden in my
HEART...

2010-07-19T15:06:00.000-07:00

i'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned
in awe of the one who gave it all

2010-05-18T19:51:00.000-07:00

Car le mot, qu'on le sache, est un être vivant

-Victor Hugo

2010-05-18T19:49:00.000-07:00

From: MEERKAT

To: THE OTHER ZOO ANIMALS

Giraffe, you are breathing down my neck

your nose always in my business

Ms. Penguin, stop talking my ear off for it is driving me insane

at least say something I haven’t heard before

So intelligent and outgoing; Dear Madame Parrot, please stop your boasting

I already realise you top me in everything

Sloth, sir, we are both lazy and pathetic, I understand

but your delusions of superiority pushed me away

Queen Bee, why can’t you stay calm for once? Stop freaking out about everything

it’s called a joke

Dearest Zebra: I know you like to hear your own voice,

but it is resonating in my ear and killing me slowly

You are cocky and conceited and so incredibly annoying,

my friend the Antelope.

Life isn’t always full of put-downs though. I realised that you guys are probably the best people I have ever known though we do have out highs and lows.

So.... Here goes....

TO GIRAFFE: I could never ever live without you.

TO PENGUIN: you are always being yourself, please keep it up, it would do as all some good.

TO PARROT : vous êtes très intelligente. That’s all I can say.

TO SLOTH: I could never forget the fun we have.

TO QUEEN BEE: we have had our better moments.

TO ZEBRA: thank you for always looking out for me.

TO ANTELOPE: you could be worse, so I should be thankful.

RED FLAGS

2010-04-25T12:39:00.000-07:00

here i sleep
with nothing
but
my dreams
to comfort me
while:

the bull
below my room
has given up
tired of being tormented
by red rags

tears flow out
of a man’s eyes
in the next room
when he thinks no one
realises

the phone is
dangling in the office
by its cord
a distressed voice is
pouring out
into the room

screams
creep
up through
the floor boards
and get into
my head

there’s a war
going on here.
there never used to be

why can’t
my dreams stop this war

2010-04-15T17:35:00.000-07:00

I could cry myself to sleep
Not needing to count sheep
While a swamp engorphed me
Preventing me to flee

There was another time in my life
Where you could find no strife
Since then
Everything went downhill
Like a throat swallowing a pill

People would tell me there would be a day
Where I would be set free
But I had heard it all before
And didn’t believe a word that came from their mouths

Courage swept over me but
I tripped over a parapet
(the only thing that kept me from going insane)
And felt like I was plummeting to a certain failure
All these definite maybes

Out of order
The only comprehensible words to explain my situation
I’m not poetically correct
I am shorted out

In a day
I could get knocked down
But like a pin
Crash to the ground
And not make a sound

But with one look, one word, one smile
I was SPIRITED AWAY...

2010-04-15T17:33:00.002-07:00

FALLING IN LOVE

how appropriate the term is

with its implication of a loss of balance

in the highwire act of the emotions

the potentially fatal flaw

- Greg Simison

but the fire's out anyway...

2010-04-15T17:33:00.001-07:00

In one night, your life goes up in flames. Everything disappears in the smoke. You can’t face the people who arrive for consolation. I arrive. Running. In nought but a small sweater. I am shaken and out of breath. I try to say helpful but only a stutter escapes me. There is no sense to be found in the sounds coming from my mouth. You are trying to act tough and say you’ll get through fine, but I see through the sparkly mask you wear. I overheard people say, “What are you worrying about, the fire’s out, you’ll be ok.” They don’t realise that you lost your life and everything precious to you, but your family; the only people on this earth capable of comforting you. Now under the moonlight and in the leftover heat from the flames, you keep your head up despite the fact the incident left you dead in your tracks. What to do? Tears stream down your face; while a distant fantasy becomes reality.

2010-03-09T19:19:00.000-08:00

looking back, only seeing one set of footprints

thanks for nothing imagined friends

2010-03-09T18:52:00.000-08:00

"There's no life without humour. It can make the wonderful moments of life truly glorious, and it can make tragic moments bearable.”
Rufus Wainwright

2010-03-04T20:04:00.000-08:00

When shadows turn to faces
And faces take on names
When names tell us their stories,
Their brokenness and pain
LOVE is real
LOVE will bleed
LOVE will heal
LOVE we'll need
LOVE changes everything
LOVE changed the world...

Mmm... Starbucks

2010-02-11T11:41:00.000-08:00

"When we cry out our miseries,
God just hears a melody."
-Scott Landry

closer than you think

2010-02-01T18:49:00.001-08:00

I'm on a bridge to nowhere, and I am getting there fast.

Dear Mouse.

2010-02-01T18:18:00.000-08:00

I can't find the words to tell you how I feel. There is no hope for me on the scrunched balls of paper lying in my waste bin. Embarrassment is too hard to deal with for I don't know what to say, I may stutter and be incomprehensible. I cannont tell you up straight, because shyness engorphes me. My heart is burning, waiting to knock on the door that separates me from all humanity. I crumple to the ground in agony because of the embers burning my personality. People tell me to get a life and not laze about waiting... with no results. They say my skin is growing pale from lack of sun in this dark cell though rays shine bright through the half opened curtain. With one look I can break a heart; but I hope this letter I write will not do the same to yours. My neck is aching, hanging down over this piece of paper. It has been ages. I have almost forgotten the sound of trees in the wind, the warmth of the sun, and the joy of living life. I have never been good at spillin my heart out on paper. The only words that come to mind are simple and straight forward.
"Dear Mouse. I love you."

forgiven and LOVED

2010-01-31T13:58:00.000-08:00

Oh I tried and tried to rectify my hopeless situation

But the bottom line, I still have work to do

one day too late

2010-01-30T13:27:00.000-08:00

a lion on his side, was it the lying or his pride that brought him down?

MORE THAN USELESS

2010-01-28T19:02:00.000-08:00

BECAUSE WE ARE BOTH FOOLS TRYING NOT TO TRIP...

uh.... motorcycle cop

2010-01-27T21:19:00.000-08:00

What came first... the chicken or the egg? The riddle is unsolvable. YOU. A problem even harder. You are not up or down, hot or cold. But the sensation is one of which I cannot comprehend. You were once a person of smarts. Inevitably, the egg has split revealing rot. You had the choice to evade left or turn right, to crash and burn or live freely. Me, not wanting to be an obstacle, has no say in your choice of route. But agreeing with you would resemble a sin. You decide. The riddle is solved.

2010-01-27T20:52:00.000-08:00

eyes are always watching,

do not flinch or they will pounce on every flaw.